Firsts

I did my first proper ritual today (ritual, spell, whatever - I do hate labels, especially at this mega-early stage - but it was based on a pre-existing written rite). It was amazing. I'll keep the details to myself, but the experience of doing this out of doors was a particularly wonderful one. I wouldn't say I've never felt this close to God/dess in a church - but I would say that there's something wonderfully Divine about the outdoors. My family is from the far south of Ireland, where the landscape is mountainous (as the old Ford Fiesta I couldn't get up the hill to my uncle's farmhouse can attest to) and wild. On a trip there some years ago, one early morning I crept out of a hotel room I was sharing with my mum, went down a very long lane (this was before I couldn't walk) and found myself at the edge of a tiny lake surrounded by mountains. I've never been able to find the place again in reality. In my mind, I go there almost every time I meditate. Then, I really had never been as close to God before. Maybe I haven't been since.

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If I pursue this Pagan thing, or indeed just learn from it, it's going to be the funniest thing ever trying to get to outdoor places more in order to pray and similar. I parked within metres of the field I eventually settled on this afternoon. I still got asked by a nice passing driver whether I wanted a lift anywhere. Ah, disability. Always an amusing challenge, especially in new contexts. (I spend a lot of time in nature. I just usually do this from the car.)

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My Angel (aka wife) is now being updated - to some degree - on my Path-choosing and -exploring exploits. She's being nice and accepting, but seems a bit worried. She doesn't want me to rush anything. I don't want me to rush anything, either, but I think she'd rather I didn't try too much while thinking. I tried to explain that spirituality doesn't work that way. Hmm.