After Midnight

Well, since it's just past 12 here, I'm officially 33. Which is sort of intense.

When I was about ten, my mother and I were talking one day about how different ages suit different people, and how with some people there's just an age that they're 'meant' to be. She said she felt like she was in her 20s (not a surprise - she still acts like she is!) She asked me how old I thought I was meant to be. Without needing to think about it, I said 33. It sort of became a goal throughout my life - an age that I just knew things would start to come together for me. After a very messy time in my late teens and early twenties, and a very busy time in my late twenties, and a serious illness for a few years after that, I'm now full of optimism for this stage of my life. It's going to be epic. :D

A major part of my optimism and excitement is this new phase of my spiritual journey (which I'm going to have to stop calling 'new' soon, and just admit that I'm becoming a Pagan and it's a good thing). I spent a long time this evening with the Celtic goddesses who are the reason I'm on this new path (they called me. Sort of out of nowhere. It was a shock). I was doing a spell for wisdom and academic insight, since I'm trying to write a paper that I'm presenting on Wednesday. Well, I don't know if 'spell' is the right word - I don't even vaguely consider myself a witch, nor do I think I'm ever going to want to be one - at the moment my spells, such as they are, are mainly about meeting my gods in a sacred space, and doing ritual around that, mostly that I write myself (because I really hate badly-written poetry). But I'm doing a lot of research around magic, and learning some simple candle magic, playing with what I suppose might be called sympathetic magic, practicing casting circles, connecting with land spirits and the elements, and other useful things. I may try more later. We shall see. Anyway. Spell, ritual, whatever. And I was overwhelmed, all at once, by how empowering this path is, and how grateful I am for having heard the call of my ancestors' gods. I need to stay grateful, rather than taking anything for granted. I keep hearing "Nothing is wasted." I've been bemoaning how late I've come to this path, and envying people who knew these connections at a young age. But I'm starting to realise that at every moment on our spiritual paths, we are where we need to be. And that my experiences of spending hours in the woods growing up, of living much of my life in altered states of consciousness (thanks to being on the autistic spectrum), of learning spirituality through a whole mix of different things, the influence of my father's spirituality, the importance of learning that God has many names, and so on - it was all leading somewhere. That's pretty cool.

This post has been brought to you by late-night musings that should really be kept in my head, where they make a lot more sense. I blame my cat (he wanted to play until about midnight. And by play, I mean the IKILLYOUWITHCLAWSANDTEETHBECAUSEILOVEYOU game. Ow.)

The crow that let me stalk it for about half an hour in the park yesterday. It was brilliant. Morrighan bird!